Being laid off is one of the most traumatic events we can experience. Consider these guidelines should you find yourself suddenly out of a job.By Bruce Weinstein, PhDAmericans are bracing for massive job losses in the wake of the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. Even before the recent worries on Wall Street, anxiety about employment was high; earlier this year, the U.S. Labor Dept. released a report stating that there had been a net loss of 63,000 jobs, which was the biggest monthly decline in five years. Whether or not your own job is in jeopardy in the near future, at some point in your career you may become a victim of downsizing. What should you do? What you should avoid doing at all costs? We'll consider these questions in this column, the second of a two-part series on the ethics of downsizing .

What's Ethics Got to Do with It?

Being laid off is one of the most traumatic events we can experience. On the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale, getting fired is the eighth most stressful life experience, behind the death of a spouse (No. 1) or going to jail (No. 4), but ahead of the death of a close friend (No. 17), foreclosure on a mortgage or loan (No. 21), or in-law troubles (No. 24). Rightly or wrongly, many of us define ourselves by our jobs, which is why one of the first questions we ask someone we meet is, "What do you do?"I've already shown why downsizing has ethical implications for the bearers of bad news. But ethical issues are also at stake for those on the receiving end. If you've just been downsized, I'll bet your first response was, "That's not fair!" Even if your company had—or believes it had—good reasons to eliminate your position, from your point of view it feels as though an injustice has occurred. And of course fairness is one of five fundamental ethical principles. Even if it's hard to see how ethics plays a role in other areas of your life, when you're on the receiving end of a perceived injustice, ethics moves front and center into your field of vision.But it's not just fairness that is at stake here. When you ask yourself, "How will I be able to pay my bills now?" the underlying question is, "How can I meet my responsibilities to my family, myself, and those to whom I owe money?" All of these responsibilities are ethical ones and are applications of the principles of avoiding harm, of making things better, and showing respect for others.Finally, we've all known people who let the loss of their job get the better of them, so the ethical principle of compassion, which applies to how we treat ourselves, too, is also on the table.

A Code of Personal Responsibility

I propose the following guidelines for you to consider, should you find yourself suddenly out of a job.1. Get angry … later. It's easy to react with hostility when you're told that your position is being eliminated. Don't. The suggestions I've made for dealing with anger-provoking situations are especially relevant in this circumstance. It's only human to be terribly upset or even filled with rage, but acting on those feelings may violate the do-no-harm principle. Less obvious but also important to think about is the damage you would do to a valued relationship that you may not be able to undo. You won't regret holding back, but you will regret losing your cool.2. Don't take it personally. We'd like to be able to control our lives and shape our destiny through the sheer force of will, but sometimes things happen to us that have absolutely nothing to do with what we've done or who we are. This is one of those times.3. Get a recommendation. One of the best ways for a potential employer to find out how valuable you are is to hear from your current boss, but you may have to be the one to make this happen. Get a recommendation in writing as soon as possible. Volunteer to write it yourself. If a letter is out of the question or doesn't arrive in a timely fashion, ask your boss to send you a short e-mail; even a one- or two-line testimonial will do. Get your boss's permission to put his or her direct phone number on your résumé and give out at job interviews.4. Be a self-promoter. We're raised to believe that it's wrong to toot your own horn, but if ever there were a time to put that belief aside, it's now. As Rabbi Hillel said, "If I am not for myself, who will be?" (Of course, he wisely added, "But if I am not for others, what am I?") One of our greatest challenges is striking the right balance between self-absorption and devotion to others. Still, there is not only no harm in standing up for yourself; it is unethical not to do so.Believing in yourself is one of the best ways of applying the principle of compassion to your own life. Consider this as well: How can others benefit from your expertise if you don't get the word out?5. Grief is good. Grief is a natural and healthy response to losing something or someone of value in your life, and taking your grief seriously is another important way to treat yourself with kindness. It is a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek counseling in the wake of being downsized. If you sustained an injury to your back, you would have no qualms about getting physical therapy. Why shouldn't you seek the appropriate remedy when your world is turned upside down? Many of us still attach a stigma to psychotherapy—wrongly so.6. Accentuate the positive. Is it possible that one of the worst things that could happen to you might turn out to be the best? Take a look at Harvey Mackay's We Got Fired!: … And It's the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Us (Ballantine Books, 2004). Michael Bloomberg, Muhammad Ali, Billie Jean King, Home Depot (HD) founder Bernie Marcus, Lee Iacocca, and Robert Redford are just a few of the wildly successful people who explain how losing a job led to something much better.Yes, it's dispiriting to get laid off, but Mackay's book reminds us of the riches that may lie just beyond the horizon, which would have been unavailable had we stayed where we were.Bottom line: Taking the high road is challenging enough when all is going well. The real test of your character comes from how you respond when things are at their worst. Following the above guidelines will help you show the world—and yourself—that nothing, not even the loss of your job, can hold you back from success.Note: Nothing in this column is intended to be or should be construed as legal advice. Please consult an attorney for legal questions you may have about your termination.Originally published in businessweek.com - September 26, 2008Bruce Weinstein, Ph.D. is the corporate consultant and public speaker known as The Ethics Guy. He has appeared on "The Today Show," "Good Morning America," "Anderson Cooper 360," "American Morning," and many other national television shows.