Trump’s Next Shock And Awe Tactic Should Be This: An Apology
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And now, on to today’s blog subject: How to apologize with ethical intelligence, and why this is a smart thing to do.
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The post-presidential life of former president Donald J. Trump has been like a limited-run streaming series. Each week’s episode ends on a cliffhanger. The next episode has even higher stakes than the previous one.
Trump announces his 2024 bid for the White House. Then he dines with two of the most notorious antisemites in the U.S. Next, he calls for terminating the Constitution, the heart of our democracy and the document he once swore to uphold.
What could top these offenses in off-the-charts, jaw-dropping outrageousness? An apology to the American people.
It would be a post on his social media platform Truth Social, and it would look something like this:
“Yesterday, my company, the Trump Organization, was convicted of 17 felonies, including tax fraud, conspiracy and falsifying business records. Initially, I blamed Chief Financial Officer Allen H. Weisselberg. I also accused Manhattan District Attorney Alvin L. Bragg of running a witch hunt. These statements, I now see, were rooted in anger rather than facts. As CEO, I take full responsibility for everything in my business. After all, accountability is a crucial quality of high-character leaders. Shifting the blame to others stops right here, right now.”
Can you imagine what would happen if Trump wrote such a message? It would instantly become the top news story everywhere in the world. For the rest of the week, pundits, late-night talk show hosts, and the rest of us would discuss nothing else.
Of course, this will never happen. As Mary L. Trump, the former president’s niece, detailed in her book Too Much and Never Enough, Mr. Trump cannot accept responsibility for the problems he creates. It’s not that he doesn’t want to. Psychologically he isn’t able to.
However, for those who do want to own up to our mistakes, here’s how to apologize with ethical intelligence.
The Dos and Don’ts of Apologies
The Dos
1. Do it now.
The longer you wait to apologize, the harder it will be. Each moment you delay causes avoidable agony.
2. Use ‘I’ language.
Say, “I was wrong,” even if you’re a team leader. The best leaders take responsibility for what happens on their watch, even if they didn’t commit the infraction themselves.
3. Pledge not to repeat the mistake.
“It won’t happen again” may be mere words, but they go a long way toward restoring your trustworthiness.
4. Reveal how you’ll avoid making the mistake again.
An apology with a plan is an apology that means something.
5. Accept the consequences.
Feeling bad may not be enough of a response. If you face punishment or discipline, accepting it is the honorable thing to do.
The Don’ts
1. Don’t explain why you made a mistake.
Unless the other person presses you for an explanation (unlikely), adding one muddies the apology. It may be heard as an attempt to justify the mistake, even if you don’t mean it that way.
2. Don’t say, “I’m sorry if you were offended.”
This dodge is a non-apology apology. The problem isn’t the thin skin of the other person. It’s you.
3. Don’t keep talking.
Just like the gambler in the Kenny Rogers song (written by Don Schlitz), you’ve got to know when to fold ‘em. That’s usually a lot sooner than you think. Say your piece, then stop.
4. Don’t use the wrong medium for your message
Don’t call when you can apologize in person. Don’t email when you can call. Don’t text when you can write an email.
Call to action
The dos and don’ts of ethically intelligent apologies are:
Do it now.
Use “I” language.
Pledge not to repeat the mistake.
Reveal how you’ll avoid making the mistake again.
Accept the consequences.
Don’t explain why you made the mistake.
Don’t say “I’m sorry if you were offended.”
Don’t keep talking.
Don’t use the wrong medium for the message.